Pastorinthewoods's Weblog: Can You Handle The Truth?

  The most recent post by Dr. Hottub has revealed that he has adopted a new worship strategy. He claims that this worship strategy and the ensuing tactics are modeled after Rick Warren. As an analyst of this situation, I have attempted to identify his target audience without him telling me any more information. He says that his early service sings praise songs from largely Pentecostal backgrounds, he wears a cowboy hat, sits on a stool, and gives away bread with visitor cards. Based upon these tactics I have concluded that Dr. Hottub must be targeting Lancaster Larry. Lancaster Larry is 35 years old and he grew up in South Carolina. He went to the University of South Carolina where he earned a Masters of Arts in Business Administration. He left the South for a while to study abroad where he came into contact with people in oil exploration. He is now involved in global oil commodities and makes a six-figure income. Sometimes his check  has two commas all of which he tithes because that is what he was always taught to do, even when he didn’t attend church. He leases a Lexus and a Hummer because he enjoys having a new car every 24 months. He has only been married once to his lovely wife Lancaster Laura who is the love of his life. She is a stay at home mom with 5 kids who only wants to volunteer with her local church. She home schools so she has plenty of time. They grew up Freewill Baptist but they are very comfortable in an SBC church that is “lively.” Lancaster Larry grew up loving JR on Dallas and country music so he loves the cowboy hat and the stool. His 5 boys love the bread at Ryan’s and eat the entire loaf of bread before they get out of the church parking lot.             I would caution Dr. Hottub that his strategy is not effective in reaching Lancaster Lamont and Lancaster Lou who could be highly offended by his strategy.