Pastorinthewoods's Weblog: Can You Handle The Truth?

Based upon President Obama’s method of selling health care I have derived a new method of selling vacuum cleaners. Here are some of the things you must do to sell the new shiny gigantic vacuum cleaner called the Obamachine.

1. Tell people their old vacuum cleaner manufacturer is making too much money and must be told to jump in the lake.

2. Tell people that they can afford their new vacuum by pawning off their parents vacuum cleaner to raise 30% of what it will cost.

3. Tell people that they don’t have to get rid of their old vacuum they just have to stuff it in the closet.

4. Tell people who have hardwood floors that require a mop that they will have to pay a fee to not have a vacuum cleaner.

5. Tell people that they do not have to pay for it now, they can charge it to their kids credit card.

6. Tell people not to worry when a person calls them and tells them exactly when they have to vacuum their floors. It is not vacuum rationing!

7. Tell them that the gigantic vacuum that will barely fit in their home, will be affordable. Even though we do not know exactly how much it will cost. How? Tell them that you are planning to charge the rich guy across town a little extra.

8. When all else fails, shame them into it. Tell them that only nasty extremist rednecks would not want this gigantic shiny vacuum. People who don’t care about the welfare of others would not want this vacuum.

9. When they question cost again, tell them it is budget neutral. No normal person will actually understand what that means in Obama terms.

10. If they insist that they do not need a vacuum cleaner, tell them about the millions of people who do not have vacuums. ( However, do not tell them that these people can receive basic vacuuming services free of charge without question from the vacuum cleaner company).

11. Finally, when it looks like the sale will not happen simply say that this big shiny vacuum was not your idea. Actually you had a big yellow vacuum  cleaner in mind but the developers of the vacuum thought this was the best compromise.  Tell them how sad you are and how you believe you are the chosen one to bring new vacuums to the world.

12. At last tell them that you don’t care if they want it. Hold out the pen and say,             

  ” you’re going to sign this paper or else!”